Diary~♥

sometimes i imagined myself lying on a field of lavenders...a big big purple field filled with lavenders...the fragrance...the purplish sight...oh so wonderful...so lovely.i tink lavenders are really sweet and romantic..and it has the power to sooth ur feelings and make u feel so relaxed…

lying among the purples…staring up at the blue sky with some cotton clouds in all shapes and sizes...feeling the light breeze…so gently blowing past my face…tranquility…silence…I closed my eyes…jus concentrating on breathing in the fresh and fragrant air all around me…all the cells in my body seemed to go into a deep sleep..

at dat point of time…how I wish im not alone…how I wish there’s somebody lying close next to me…jus lying next to me is all I asked…is the presence..the warmth..the love..dat makes me feel im not alone…

still tink about..
still dream about..
still want by my side..
still need by my side..
I do..i still do..
all I ever wanted was…

APGP...mathematical induction...sigma notation...maths maths maths and more maths!!!arghh!!!gg to nervous breakdown liao!!haha!!shall continue mugging again tmr!!actually not very excited abt it!haha!!have to finish maths latest by thur!if not no time le!!!haven touch physics yet!cannot let sim down so must at least read through all the notes!!only left with 5 days!!!stressed!!!still left with SOOOOOO many!!!ok...tink i'm gg to sleep liao...only had 6 hours of sleep ytd.must be the coffee i drank!i'll nv drink coffee again!haha!all right...good niteZ!

Dearest sY,
u have to CONCENTRATE on ur studies!!!this is an IMPORTANT year and u cant afford to slack ok??u have to get through this NO MATTER WAT!!!u can do it de!!jus stop thinking too much!!jus think of how u're gonna enjoy after the mid-yrs!!!dun worry be happy!!everything will be jus fine if u get through this!!so now wat u need to do is to stay FOCUS and STUDY HARD!!!must at least get...eh...grade B or C for one subject?of cos the rest must get 'A' pass la!!!haha!!!

with lots of care,concern & love,
konglong =D

shit!!think im being abit stupid!!haha!!nvm la!!ha!!anyway,i tink some things jus cannot be forced la.i wish u all the best too!!=)

sometimes it's really difficult to put thoughts into words,words into sentences and sentences into phrases...

wondering...hesitating...afraid...rejection...

a piece of my heart is missing...i dunno where it went...maybe it's gone and nv will it come back.so i'll jus have to wait for my heart to heal...wonder how long will it takes...now whenever i laugh i cant laugh as happily as i used to..there's jus something inside me...holding back...telling me i'm not dat happy actually...telling me to stop faking...

this is the worst hols ever...

The Power of Holding Hands
I was sitting on a beach one summer day, watching two children, a boy and a girl, playing in the sand. They were hard at work building an elaborate sandcastle by the water's edge, with gates and towers and moats and internal passages. Just when they had nearly finished their project, a big wave came along and knocked it down, reducing it to a heap of wet sand. I expected the children to burst into tears, devastated by what had happened to all their hard work. But they surprised me. Instead, they ran up the shore away from the water, laughing and holding hands, and sat down to build another castle. I realized that they had taught me an important lesson. All the things in our lives, all the complicated structures we spent so much time and energy creating, are built on sand. Only our relationships to other people endure. Sooner or later, the wave will come along and knock down what we have worked so hard to build up. When that happens, only the person who has somebody's hand to hold will be able to laugh.
~ By Rabbi Harold Kushner from Chicken Soup for the Soul

although the present might seem to be impossible,but as we know,life is unpredictable and you'll never know until you try.So...
''do not dismiss your dreams.to be without dreams is to be without hope;to be without hope is to be without purpose.'' ~Anonymous

stoning at home...no motivation to study...SOS...tink i need some counselling to put me back on track...help...

my phone has stopped ringing...tot it has gone dead...but the sad thing is...nobody is msging me...nobody is calling me...i wun have to check it frequently cos i noe i will be disappointed.but stubbornly...i jus took it out from my pouch and be prepared to face with disappointment.sometimes i jus felt im so lonely..everything is not going the way i wan it to be.yah..i noe i have my friends...i noe they will be there for me...but will they be there the whole time?will they be there when i wan them to?like say if i need them this very minute will they be here?no...they cant...sadly...and i will have to face everything all by myself in the end...alone.sometimes jus felt so frustrated with myself.

i dun understand why my parents are so sulky.my mum is working now and she dun even give a damn of whether i need to study anot.she jus assumed that i will do all the chores at home before she comes back.and when she realized i havent she'll jus nag on and on and on...saying im lazy and watever crap she can tink of!and it's not like i didnt help her lor.i did as she asked me to but it's jus dat only when she's back ma.i dun tink she realized i need to study for the exams!she jus tot i went to the lib to 'play' as she'd always said.so irritating!how i wish i could get out of all this shit!go to a far far far away place where nobody bothers me and i dun have to bother about anyone!life sucks!

oh my god oh my god!!!im so excited!!!my internet connection finally back to normal!!!for now la!!hee=D!!now wun need to wait so long to load a web page or to sign in to msn!!!hahahaha!!!so i better blog now in case later my comp went sot sot again!!!

well...today went to the lib again -_-'''.haha!!studied in the lib with my best fren!long time nv go out with her le!tink have to wait till after mid-yrs ba!den can go shop shop and shop till we drop!haha!anyway my bro tagged along again cos my mum went to work again.tink fri and sat she working also.so troublesome and irritating to bring him along lor.although i tink he felt abit awkward with my frens around.haha!saw someone in the lib also!!dunno why am i so happy to see him.but i din show it out la!jus act normal!haha!maybe haven seen or talk to him for too long.but at around noon got stupid band gg to perform den everyone has to shift.den dat someone went off....=(.all the band's fault =x!!anyway my bro ate alot today leh!my papa gave me $10 den left $1.70 when i get home.i only spent two dollars plus lor.on the way to the lib me and him ate currypuffs.so nice!den he ate potato wedges at the lib den after dat hor he ate an apple pie when serene and i decided to go mac study!glutton!haha!gg to mac was a wrong decision!cos there's a birthday party gg on and kids screaming and running abt!oh my god!almost explodez!but lib got that band performing den we tot there might not be any seat left when we come back after lunch.also felt abit bad to leave our bags there cos there's already limited seats.

so...another day gone liddat...so sian!!!i tink im gg to play until i drop dead after the mid-yrs!!!make up for the lost of play time this june hols!!heehee!!!=Dbut den again also cannot play until too crazy there's still prelims and the final exam!sigh!how i wish there's no exams!!!haha!dream on rite?

went to study with jenny and kk today.stayed in the lib for almost 8 hours!!soooooo exhausted when i get home.jenny bought alot of tidbits back to the lib after our lunch.haha!like gg picnic liddat.wah...i really very tired.tink i gg to sleep soon.came online cos abit sian.
hoping...
disappointed...
lost...
questions...
regrets...

In Love With You Lyrics
Artist: Velasquez Regine

Just a gentle whisper, told me that you'd gone
Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong?
I couldn't find the words then, so let me say them now
I'm still in love with you
Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care
Tell me that you need me, and I'll be there
I'll be there waiting
I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do

Come to me now
I will never leave you, I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
I'm in love with you
Now we're here together, yesterday has past
Life is just beginning, close to you at last
And I promise to you, I will always be there
I give my all to you

Living life without you is more than I can bear
Hold me close forever,I'll be there....
I'll be there for you
I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
This I promise...
I will never leave you, I will stay here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
Hold me closer...

Our love is forever, holding us together
Nothing in this world can stop us now
Love has found, love has found a way
I'm in love, I'm in love
Yes, I'm in love, so in love
I'm in love with you

...sigh...

arghh!!!i cant stand it anymore!!my internet connection is SUPER DUPER SLOW!!!took ages jus to load one page.goodness!!better dun let me get disconnected this moment!i'll go mad!i tink something is wrong with my modem!and i dunno wat is wrong.maybe my comp is getting old.haha!it's time to change a new one but i dun tink my parents will allow lor.sigh!

so sian.have been studying the past few days.trying hard to stay focused and concentrate cos there's not much time left!!!im starting to worry.had a feeling this mid-yr i'll be doomed!anyway,actually wanted to go lib with kk ytd but she can only study until like 1pm cos she needs to do her project.den was so exhausted from the amazing race on saturday so din feel like waking up so early to go lib to study.haha.i noe im lazy la.but in the afternoon i went with mt.hmm..felt so awkward and weird studying in the lib with him.somemore we were doing totally different stuffs lor.well,for those who noe me since sec skool,they might tink history is repeating itself.but i wun let dat happen!dun tink it'll happen also.haha!anyway i jus wan accompany so doesnt matter.haha!oh!saw ivan also.tink he's with his cousin.not sure.ha!stayed in the lib for like 4 hours i tink.but only managed to finish studying 2 topics.im still as slow as before.i tink i need to speed up le.still have alot left to study!!!sigh.

decided to delete the previous entry cos i tink i've made a big mistake in posting it.BUT i saved all the comments la.i jus dun wanna see my frens getting upset over wat i've wrote.and i can sense the anger and hatred when im reading the comments lo.yah...so i tink deleting that entry is the right thing to do.wun remind me of how insensitive and immature i was also.well,everything is jus fine now.we're still frens.arent we?and i tink it's better this way too=).i tink i must learn to see things more maturely from now on and try to open my heart.haha.must be more kuan rong da liang ma rite?hee.jus wanna let him know dat whatever happens i'll still be here to lend a listening ear as a fren just lyk last time=).
hmm...this morning woke up very early to go for the cip briefing at tanjong pagar.after the briefing went to lau pa sa to eat.oh!me and kk ate the ice kachang strawberry wan leh!!so nice!haha!after dat we went to raffles Xchange.hmm...quite alot of shops there lor.me write until abit sian liao.hahaha.

last few days nv blog cos abit tired to come online...today first day of a new month so i tot maybe i shld change something lyk....the colour of my font!haha!anyway this few days have been really boring!gg back to skool for lectures and stuff.so sian lor.hmm..im trying not to sigh cos someone asked me not to.ha!felt abit cheated today.i shall not further elaborate.tmr is another boring day.wonder wat i shld do.ya i noe..i must study...but whenever i start to study..dunno why my eyes will start to droop also.haha!strange huh!all right...tink im gg to sleep le.nitez!hope tmr will be a better day!=)