Diary~♥

today,my heart shattered once again.and i guess maybe this will be the last time.cos i tink it's impossible to piece all the broken pieces back.when u asked me over,i've already expected wat u're gonna say.but i jus din expect it to be so soon.i was holding back tears when u break the news to me.i dunno wat else to say and dat is why i jus turned my back and walked away.my heart jus aches and now i dun even noe wat i am feeling anymore.my tears din wait until i get home.i jus have to let it out in front of my best fren.still,i dun feel any better.i noe it's already impossible for us to get back together and i've been telling myself this over and over so many times.but i'm jus unable to fully adapt to life without u.to u,i may be strong.perhaps u haven't really see the weaker side of me.now dat u have moved on...i guess there's nothing left for me to hold back either.i tink life's jus cruel to people like me.and i have to accept wat it wants me to have.u dun have to feel bad or anything.i jus hope u'll be as happy.and yeah...we'll always...be friends.
wo zhu fu ni.

it's been a long time since i last came online.and,looking at the date just shocked me.cant believe it's already been so long.left with just a month to prelims and eighty odd days to the 'A' levels.starting to feel the stress already.yet,uncontrollably,i tend to lose my focus once in a while.spoke to my closer friends and i realized how much things ive been suppressing inside me the whole while.i guessed i really need to let it out cos its just too much for me to bear them all alone.it's really comforting to hear assuring words from others,especially your friends around you.it's also heart-warming knowing people care for you.so,i just want to thank those who hear me out when i needed a listening ear.
today is august 5th 2005.what was i doing at this time last year?i dont really remember.but if things didnt turn out the way it did,it would be 3.5 years since then.i really miss the times but sometimes living in the past can be quite tiring i realized,especially when you are sure that time will not turn back for you,when you know that whatever you do is not going to make any difference anymore.sometimes i will wonder whether im the only one who's not able to let go and still thinking about it.hai~.
im like standing in the middle of a cross road,unsure of which direction to go.one road leads me back to the past and if i choose to take that route,i'll be lost in something which no matter how hard i tried,i could not get hold of.it's like sand in my hand,once i scoped them up,they'll fall through my fingers and in the end there's nothing left.empty.
another leads me to a place i'll never know.maybe there's a Utopia at the end of that long stretch of road.i don't know.however im standing at the same place,sometimes i thought ive move towards that unknown future but sometimes i'll just be moving back to the same spot again.occasionally,a mist will come by and embraced me.i'll feel lost in the mist,feeling unloved,unmissed and afraid.how i wish then someone will hold me by the hand and pulled me back to the clear suroundings.until then,i'll just have to learn to find my own way out.