Mused
Wednesday, April 19, 2006 |12:39:00 PM
Random thoughts.
Realized yesterday during dinner that I haven been to Malaysia for almost a year already. That’s a long time. And according to my parents, quite a lot of things have happened. Conflicts mostly. Sigh. Shall not say it here. It’s such a disgrace. Anyway, I was hoping to go back during June when I’ve stopped working by then. One thing I’m not looking forward to is my aunts and uncles asking me about my results. Adults like my parents will never remember the ‘A’s or ‘B’s you get. They’ll only hear the ‘D’onkeys and ‘E’lephants and they’ll start all those crap about not studying hard enough and blah. That is so irritating. How I wish they can get the chance to go to school these days and experience all the stress that we faced. Then, maybe, they’ll realized that grades aren’t that important. It’s the knowledge and values that we’ve gained that is.
Back to my relatives, from my experience, what they’ll most probably say is ‘aiya, not bad liao’. But who knows whether they really mean it or not. Sometimes when people have too high hopes on you, you will tend to feel guilty or like kind of let them down when you have not perform to their expectations. I still remembered the day when the ‘A’ lvl results was released. I couldn’t hold back my tears when I saw my grades. Partly is because my 2 closest friends in class got better results than me and I happened to receive my result slip after them. At that point of time, I was really really disappointed. I called my mum to break the news and what she said made me feel even worse. It’s not that she blamed me for not putting enough effort. It’s because she comforted me as I’m crying over the phone, choking on my words as I spoke. Hearing her said it’s ok since I’ve tried my best already make me felt that I’ve let her down in a way. I would rather she accused me of being lazy or whatever because that’s what she always said when I flunked my tests or exams. Well, I think it’s really rare hearing comforting words from her and I don’t wish to hear it the next time I take my exam results because I wouldn’t want to get lousy grades again.
Therefore, I think sometimes we tend to make people feel worse with our good intention of trying to console them. For me, jus a hug will do. You dun have to say a word of consolation. =)
However, what worries me most now is whether the Uni will give me my first choice. I’ll cry if they give me the third choice and after. I shall pray hard and stay pessimistic. Haha! I would rather stay pessimistic than keep my hopes up and get disappointed in the end when everything collapses and the debris being laid in front of me. Leaving me helpless.
Quoted from one of the blogs I’ve read today.
love like you have been hurt.
dance like no one is watching.
love like you have never been hurt.
sing like no one is listening.
live like it is the last day of your life
The pessimistic version.
why love if you have been hurt before.
why dance if no one bothers.
why love if you have never been hurt before.
why sing if no one wants to listen.
why live, if it would be your last day soon.
I was a bit confused after I read this. But it left me thinking.
解脱 - 张惠妹
爱是不夜城 回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾 我越感觉有点冷
变了心的人 越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨 阳光替房间开了灯
想 若结局一样 又何苦再想
伤 若让人成长 我为什么怕分手的伤
解脱 是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走 我有自由好好过
解脱 是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔 我总会实现一个梦
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我
P R O F I L E