on MC today. fell sick on friday after i came back from work. sucks huh. falling sick during the weekend. sigh. didnt get to go out AT ALL. too weak to even leave the house. i think my immune system is getting weaker and i fell sick because of too much viruses in the office. 2 of my colleagues were down with flu and fever on friday and went back home halfday. going back to work tmr though haven really fully recover yet. but i think flu takes a long time to recover cos there's always a cycle. first flu then fever then cough. always. it'll lasts for at least a week or more.

ytd my aunt and ah ma came. ah ma came to stay for a month or so before going back again. cant remember when was the last time she came. but the very last time i saw her was during our trip when we were in melaka and we went to pay my aunt a visit. talking about the trip, i kind of missed it. cant believe it has been one month since we've been back. and the holidays are only left with less than 2 months to go. dat day i went back to hall and burnt a copy of all the photos taken during the trip but when i came back, i cant open the files. and the dvd seemed to be still writtable. some problem with the dvd i think. so have to wait till the next time i go back hall to take from them again.

sometimes i wish i could be more busy so i wun think about alot of things. working doesnt mean i'm busy all the time. sometimes i jus hate sitting down there staring at the monitor and clicking here and there with nothing to do. sometimes i jus wish they could load me with stuffs to do so my time can pass easily. honestly, i dun really like my job here. maybe is because of the environment and the people. i dun like the feeling they gave me. hypocritical. thus, i dun look forward to every monday. monday blues. another reason may be because there was no motivation from him. what i get from him is mostly disappointment. every morning i check my phone hoping to see a message. no message. every lunch breaks after i return to office i'll check again. no message. at 530pm when i'm packing to go home, i check AGAIN. no message. this is just general cos sometimes, yes sometimes, there will be surprises. and that makes me happy enough already. sad case. i dun wan things to be like that. i dun wan people to say i'm too easy to be make happy.i dun wan him to only reply after i initiated to message him. not mentioning that sometimes he wun even reply my messages. i was thinking if i didnt message him for one whole week unless he messaged me first, will he even think of calling me up or sending me a sms to ask me how i'm doing and that he happens to miss me or something? i have been very understanding cos i noe he's now very busy with float. always working until late in the morning cos he's behind schedule for the prop that he's in charge of. so i dun throw stupid tantrums on him jus because he didnt reply, didnt message and didnt call. but deep down inside i really really hope he could do all that in spite of everything. maybe to me, that would shows at least he haven forgotten that i'm still alive. cos he's not good in expressing himself you see. so sometimes i find it quite hard to know and understand what exactly that he's thinking. my mum was saying things will get very complicated in future for me and him. i jus realized that too. because of different nationality, because of the possibility that he may not want to stay here for life and i cant simply go back with him too cos my family is here. also, the fact is i cant cos i cant change my nationality anymore. it's really really very complicated. and maybe i think too far into the future le. but think again. i'm already twenty. i guess it's normal for me to think ahead right? but thinking of all these complications make me very fan nao already. it didnt cross my mind then that things will be so complicated. maybe that explains why he's afraid to commit too. yet, i'm not sure if i have put myself in too much cos now i'm so afraid that things might not work out. i seriously dun wanna go through that period i went through once,again. i think i should learn from him to put studies as priority now. as for the rest, 随缘吧。what's yours will be yours. 不能勉强。因为勉强是没有幸福的。

ok...this is the longest post since dunno when. haha. maybe the fever had fried my brain a little.

konglon9.3rd Febber.aquarius.



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